Oh Mighty Tech…

laptop_smokingWhy hast thou forsaken me?
Why hast thou turned thy face from me in anger?
Have I not done all that is asked of me?
Do I not make generous tithe to Tech as the scriptures required?
Do I not bow and worship at the monitors of thine altar earnestly and reverently?
Do I not sing thy praises to the young and old and lame and infirm all the days of my life?
Is my home not truly a shrine to you, oh great and marvelous Tech?
When the plague of locusts and worms sought to destroy your altar, I girded my loins with the Veil of McAfee and the Hammer of Norton, and even with the Shield of AVG to daily protect the sanctity of thine altar.
When your altar was set upon by adulterers and fornicators and sodomites, I sought and destroyed them as you instructed without mercy.
When the Philistines laid siege to your altar, I erected a Wall of Fire to protect your altar and your mysteries and your devout servants.
Yet still, you cast me into the abyss.
Art thou testing me?
Dost thou question my devotion?
When the works thou allowed to be built by my hand were great and good, did I not sing your praises and give all glory and honor to you oh mighty Tech?
And when the vessel of those works was taken from me by scraping and pain and gnashing of teeth, neither did I deny you nor curse your name; but verily did I sing your praises and endure the lesson you taught, and by your might made even greater works.
And in the fields where I toil for my daily bread, it is your praises that I sing to my earthly masters.  It is in your name and by your hand that I did works that shew your glory to all the land.  Yet, again thou has smote the vessel, and the fruits of my labors are lost.
And even in this, I did not curse your name, for I know that the mysteries of Tech are vast and deep, and that my place is to humbly serve Tech, and that without Tech, my works are nothing.
Wherefore, oh Tech, hast thou turned from me thy shining face and withdrawn from me thy technical grace.  Even as you have taught, did I guard against famine and fill my vessel and my storehouse; yet my vessel is broken, and my storehouse destroyed, and all the works that thou hast allowed to be rebuilt are lost.
Has this servant displeased you oh Tech?  How may I again see your face?  The priests of Geek, and even the high priests of Best Buy bid me confess my sin against Tech that I might return to your favor.
I beseech thee, oh Tech, what sin have I to confess that I might confess it and my works be restored unto me?  I sing your praises throughout the lands of Facebook and even into the wilds of Twitter.  I praise your name to the pagan Luddites who seek to deny your power.  I withhold not Tech from my children lest they be cast into ignorance.
Shall I make for thee, oh Tech, a sacrifice?  Wouldst thou have me burn paperbacks on the altar of Kindle, that I might show my true devotion to thee oh Tech?
Speak to me, oh Tech!
Deliver me from thy wrath!
Let not another hard drive be cast into the pits, lest I fall upon my mouse and die!

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